My Encounter with God: Part I

My Encounter with God: Part I: It was nighttime, and I had not yet gone to sleep. I was lying on the bed upside down, that is, my chest resting on the bed, and not my back; my head on the pillow pointing towards east, and my two hands also pointing upwards. Suddenly a tremendous force gripped my body so heavily that I could not make any movement of my body, but I could not see the presence of anybody in the room. Although I could not make any movement of my body, still this unseen and unknown force rocked my body several times from north to south with very quick succession, and suddenly it left me.

During the entire period of its gripping of my body and then leaving me, my body was simply lying on the bed, but still I could feel very well that I was being rocked from north to south. Its gripping my body was sudden, and its leaving me was also sudden. When it left me, I sat on the bed thinking: What had just now happened to me? Who gripped and rocked my body in this way, and why? I was astonished, I was bewildered, I was shocked, but I had no fear in my mind. I cannot remember exactly now as to why I had no fear at that time, but this much I can remember even now that it was overall a pleasurable experience. Perhaps due to this reason the experience did not appear to be at all fearful. This was the first time.

Then again the same event recurred in my life a few days later. Again it was nighttime, and again I was lying on the bed with my usual posture. Again the same gripping of my body by the unseen force, and again the same rocking of my body from north to south. Then again I had the same experience for the third time, and then again for the fourth time. Every time it was during the nighttime, and every time it was sudden. The next incident that I am going to narrate perhaps occurred during my fourth encounter with this unknown and unseen force. When this force was leaving me after rocking my body as usual I had a vision. A beautiful Indian sage of Upanishadic age appeared to me, and I could hear an inner voice in Bengali: You are yet to pay back your debt. Up till then I had not understood anything about whatever was happening to me, but this fourth encounter made me totally confused. To who had I owed anything that I would have to pay him back?

Now I cannot remember exactly how one day the thought came to my mind that perhaps it was God Himself who was making His presence known to me in this way. Perhaps the reason was that these experiences were not only pleasurable, but also blissful. One very early morning when I was already awake and lying on the bed with my usual posture and with the doors of my room wide open, I had this rocking experience, but this time there was no gripping of the body. And it was so blissful! So the blissfulness of these experiences helped me realize that it was God Himself who was revealing His presence to me. But when I came to realize this, the first thought that came to my mind was this: What would I have to do in return? How would I reciprocate God’s gift (here, the revealing of His presence) to me? I spent almost two to three years in this state of mind, distressed, perturbed, always seeking, but not definitely knowing the answer, sometimes thinking of doing this, then again thinking of doing that, but not being able to come to any decision, and thus remaining totally confused. With this confused state of mind one day I asked one Indian freedom-fighter to whom I frequented at that time, who had gone to jail several times during the British regime in India, and for whom I have a very great respect even now (It was he who for the first time instilled in my mind the notion that freedom is our birth-right!!!), the question: What is the essence of man? With him mostly our discussions centered on Indian politics, Indian freedom movement, and revolutions in other countries, e.g. America's freeing itself from the British yoke, stories of the French revolution, etc. He was the speaker, and we were merely the silent listeners. Still in that ambience of pure politics and revolution I could not help asking him the above question. Perhaps this would help one understand how eagerly I was seeking then an answer to the burning question that was lurking in my mind: What would I have to do with my own life, when God Himself had appeared to me? Then suddenly one day in the year 1970 I got the answer that I would have to prove the existence of God. But I have already narrated that incident in my brief biography.